Expectations are a powerful thing. If they’re too high, then you’ll be constantly disappointed. If they’re too low, then you’ll never get what you want and deserve, from yourself or others. But did you know that your expectations determine your reality? If you don’t think you can succeed in reaching your goals, you won’t.
That’s the worst thing that can happen when your expectations are too low. But what happens when they are too high, or otherwise unrealistic? Unrealistic expectations aren’t in-line with reality. And if your head is in the clouds, and your expectations aren’t realistic, it will cause you a lot of trouble and heartache.
Unrealistic expectations can sabotage any area of your life, including dating and relationships. Usually, when a person is unable to find a good relationship, one of two things is going on. They either don’t have enough standards for their dating partners and get taken advantage of – otherwise known as having too low of expectations. Or, their standards are way too high and unrealistic. We’ve covered low standards in dating before and how those can ruin your chances at love. But today’s article will cover unrealistic, too high of expectations.
Check out your expectations in the following areas to see if they may be making your life more complicated than it needs to be:
1. He must meet every criterion on my checklist.
Mr. Right may not meet everything on your list. When you put the items on your list above the importance of enjoying his company and appreciating his efforts, something is not going to feel right. You don’t want to sabotage your first meeting by feeling disappointed by something that may not ultimately be very important, like how tall he is or where he went to school. If you’re in the process of looking for a relationship, it’s a good idea to look over your checklist and reassess. Are there a few things on there that aren’t super important that might be needlessly limiting your dating pool?
2. He should always understand me.
When your partner comes from a different background and has different life experiences, he may not always understand you. Differences are expected. Part of a healthy relationship is learning about your partner, and appreciating them. Relationships grow and strengthen when the people in them make an effort to communicate.
3. He should always know the right thing to say.
Men can be unsure of what to say, just as you might be. Chances are, you’ve been put in difficult or awkward situations where you didn’t know exactly what to say. You may have even said the wrong thing! If he’s feeling nervous or pressured, he might say the wrong thing, too. That doesn’t mean he is wrong for you. Take the time to try to get to know him. Maybe when he’s more comfortable around you and understands you better, he’ll be more on target.
4. He should know what I’m trying to say.
He can’t read your mind. If you’re leaving out relevant information, you might be making it harder for him to figure out where you’re coming from. Learning to be a better communicator can help you in all of your relationships, not just romantic ones.
5. He will always support everything I do.
We all have different values. Your partner is not going to support your actions if you are going against his values.
6. I can change him.
The only person you can truly change is yourself, and that can take a lot of work. Someone else also will have to want to change to make that happen, and you can’t do it for him. While it’s true that people can and do change, they don’t change in predictable ways, or on your timetable.
Are you tempted to want to change the men you meet? Could you be choosing people with problems thinking you can fix them?
It’s more realistic to accept a person as they are and to consider whether you can live with them or not, flaws and all.
7. We will never argue or disagree.
Conflict is healthy for a relationship when the partners want to find a compromise or a resolution, or at least to agree to disagree. It can lead to a better understanding of each other, rather than just a lot of arguments. Conflict doesn’t have to be a dirty word. A mature relationship will involve some conflict, and that’s okay.
Do you see other people’s expectations keeping them from getting what they want? Do you see it in your life? Let us know how this has affected you in the comments below.