Expectations are a powerful thing. If yours are too high, then you’ll be constantly disappointed. If they’re too low, then you’ll never get what you want and deserve, from yourself or others. But did you know that your expectations determine your reality? If you don’t think you can succeed in reaching your goals, you won’t. Why work hard to reach goals you believe aren’t possible?
The worst thing that can happen when your expectations are too low is that you won’t get what you want. But what happens when they are too high, or otherwise unrealistic? Unrealistic expectations aren’t in-line with reality. And if your head is in the clouds, and your expectations aren’t realistic, it will cause you a lot of trouble and heartache.
Unrealistic expectations in life can sabotage us in any area, including dating and relationships. Usually, when a person is unable to find a good relationship, one of two things is going on. They either don’t have enough standards for their dating partners and get taken advantage of – otherwise known as having too low of expectations. Or, their standards are way too high and unrealistic. Believe it or not, you can also have both too low and too high standards at the same time. We’ve covered low standards in dating before and how those can ruin your chances at love. But today’s article will cover the unrealistic expectations of love, when expectations are too high.
Here are some examples of unrealistic expectations in relationships. Check out your expectations in the following areas to see if they may be making your love life more complicated than it needs to be:
1- He must meet every criterion on my checklist.
Mr. Right may not meet everything on your list. When you put the items on your list above the importance of enjoying his company and appreciating his efforts, something will not feel right to him. You don’t want to sabotage your first meeting by feeling disappointed by something that may not ultimately be very important, like how tall he is or where he went to school. Does his alma mater make any real difference in your ultimate happiness? No, it’s just an unrealistic expectation of love. If you’re in the process of looking for a relationship, it’s a good idea to look over your checklist and reassess. Are there a few things on there that aren’t super important that might be needlessly limiting your dating pool?
2- He should always understand me.
When your partner comes from a different background and has different life experiences, he may not always understand you. Differences are expected. Part of a healthy relationship is learning about your partner and the ways he is different from you. It is important to your relationship for you to appreciate those differences. Assuming he will always understand you is an unrealistic relationship expectation. Relationships grow and strengthen when the people in them make an effort to communicate. Are there times when you could have communicated better with a date or partner?
3- He should always know the right thing to say.
Men can be unsure of what to say, just as you might be. Chances are, you’ve been put in difficult or awkward situations where you didn’t know exactly what to say. You may have even said the wrong thing! If he’s feeling nervous or pressured, he might say the wrong thing, too. That doesn’t mean he is wrong for you. Take the time to try to get to know him. Maybe when he’s more comfortable around you and understands you better, he’ll be more on target.
4- He should know what I’m trying to say.
He can’t read your mind. If you’re leaving out relevant information, you might be making it harder for him to figure out where you’re coming from. Why set yourself up for failure by assuming that you don’t have to work to explain yourself? Learning to be a better communicator can help you in all of your relationships, not just romantic ones.
5- He will always support everything I do.
We all have different values. Your partner is going to have trouble supporting your actions if you are going against his values. For example, he may not feel comfortable supporting you if he thinks you aren’t being thoughtful in your approach to money, health, or family. He may have a different perspective on who does the chores around your place. You may be able to sway him to your point of view, or he may convince you that his perspective is better. Assuming he will support whatever you want sets you up for disappointment and unnecessary disagreements because it’s an unrealistic relationship expectation.
6- I can change him.
The only person you can truly change is yourself, and that can take a lot of work. Someone else also will have to want to change to make that happen, and you can’t do it for him. While it’s true that people can and do change, they don’t change in predictable ways, or on your timetable.
Are you tempted to want to change the men you meet? Could you be choosing people with problems thinking you can fix them?
It’s more realistic to accept a person as they are and to consider whether you can live with them or not, flaws and all.
7- We will never argue or disagree.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a dirty word. It can lead to a better understanding of each other, rather than just a lot of arguments. Conflict is healthy for a relationship when the partners want to find a compromise or a resolution, or at least to agree to disagree. A mature relationship will involve some conflict, and that’s okay.
Are there any unrealistic expectations of love that might be keeping you from getting what you want? Do you see it at all in your life? Let us know how this might be affecting you in the comments below.