Are you pushing him away and don’t know it?


Dating can feel like walking a tightrope. One wrong move and you plummet.

You get advice from every direction. You try to make the right move but, despite your best intentions, you may actually be pushing him away.

I’ve seen this many times in my practice. Subtle actions can send the wrong message and make men run.  I don’t want that for you.

What if a simple shift could draw him to you instead of pushing him away? Start with this list of five suggestions, and just watch the results. If you see yourself in this list, don’t be hard on yourself. You are normal! Just consider trying a new approach.

  1. Stop calling, texting, and emailing him more than he contacts you. You may want to reach out, but force yourself to listen to the cues. If he’s texting three times a day, don’t text six times. If he sends one-sentence emails, don’t send him your life’s story.
  2. Don’t ask about weekend plans before he brings them up. Yes, you want to see him on Saturday night, but pushing your guy into plans isn’t going to do the trick. Allow him to pursue you.However, don’t put your life on hold waiting for him to ask you out. Make your own plans and, if you are not available when he asks, maybe he will ask earlier next time.
  3.  Don’t be the primary giver in the relationship. People give in different ways. You may take care of him when he is sick. He may do your taxes. Recognize that giving ebbs and flows over time, but don’t give and give if you are not getting anything in return.
  4. Don’t complain that he is not contacting you. If he’s not contacting you, complaining about it is not your solution. Do you want him to contact you because it’s a chore? No! You want him to want to reach out. It’s important to vent, but consider talking to someone else about it.
  5. Think before you force a conversation about the relationship. As a woman and a therapist, of course I believe in the importance of talking. However, I encourage you to think about how you choose to have the conversation and what you hope to accomplish. Forcing a conversation before a guy is ready often won’t give you the results you want.Instead, first look at the signs he is sending. He actually is talking to you, and you need to listen. Is he reaching out to you? Is he giving? If you answer those questions, you may get all the information you need.

Making these five changes won’t be easy, but I think you will see that the shift is effective. Once you take the focus off of him, think about how you can be good to you. Be your own Brand of Sexy.

Do you do the five things I just mentioned? Most of us have at one point or another. I’d love to hear from you. Please share your experiences in the comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.

You can do this. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.

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  • Name * says:

    Omg I am doing all that…I need help…lol

  • Dr. Susan says:

    The question for you is whether you can pull back a little bit.

    If it’s very difficult, start with the easiest.

    Keep in touch and let us know how it’s going.

    The more support you have, the better. Change can be hard.

    We look forward to hearing from you.

    Dr. Susan

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