If you say “yes” it takes you down a very different dating path than when you say “no.” Many women are people-pleasers who have trouble saying “no.” When we say “yes” to things we don’t want, we can end up over-committed or taking care of others instead of taking care of ourselves. Having trouble saying “no” is a big problem with dating, because it keeps you from getting what you want from men. You might even be training men to treat you poorly if you can’t say “no.”
Can you say “no” to what you don’t want? Take this simple “yes or no” quiz to find out. For each question, give yourself 1 point if you answer “no.” If you answer “yes,” give yourself 0 points.1. Can you tell the waiter if he makes an error with your order?
2. Can you tell your mother’s friend that no, you don’t want to be fixed up?
3. Can you say “no” to a last-minute date?
4. Can you say “no” to hanging out if you want to be asked out on a real date?
5. Can you say “no” to splitting the check?
6. Can you say “no” to driving to your date, instead of him driving to you?
7. Can you say “no” to calling a man who gives you his card rather than asking for yours?
8. Can you say “no” to sex unless you have the commitment you want?
9. Can you say “no” to living together if you want marriage?
10. Can you say “no” to rescheduling a date if he cancels without a good reason?
Now add up all your points. What is your total score?
If you scored a 3 or more, you may have trouble standing up for yourself.
If you have trouble saying “no,” you might want to explore why it’s a problem for you. Do you think saying “no” in some of these situations is not politically correct? Are you uncomfortable with saying “no”? Are you afraid of conflict? Are you afraid of disappointing people? Are you unsure how to say “no” gracefully? Understanding why you tend to say “yes” can help you make changes.
It’s a good idea to work on this skill if you want to get better at it. It can be helpful to start with saying “no” in situations that won’t lead to a lot of conflict, like telling the waiter if your order is wrong. With practice, you can gain more confidence so that you can gradually begin to say “no” in scarier situations. Try out different ways to say “no” until it feels more natural for you. You can say things like, “No, thanks,” “Not now, but maybe another time,” “I’m not comfortable with that,” or simply, “No.”
Maybe you’re thinking that this is going to be a lot harder than I am making it sound. If this is really hard for you, then start out with something easier like, “I’m not sure how I feel about that” or “I’ll get back to you.” You might want to apologize or explain your reasons for saying “no” if you feel guilty, but that’s not necessary. You can also role-play with a friend and practice saying “no” in different scenarios.
Which path do you want to take? Saying “no” to what you don’t want can be scary, but it is an important skill to develop in order to get what you do want.
What was your score on the quiz? How difficult is it for you to say “no”? How does it feel to try to say “no” in these situations? I’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.
You can do this. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.