Michael put his wineglass down.
“I want to ask you something.”
Laura looked at him. “What?”
“What do you think about living together?”
She stared at him for a moment.
“Are you serious?”
“Very.”
A smile spread across her face.
“You’ve been thinking about this?”
“For months.”
“Months?”
“I figured ten days together in Italy would tell me whether I was ready for a lot more togetherness.”
Laura laughed. “And?”
“I am.”
“So you really want to do this?”
“I really want to do this.”
Laura reached across the table and took his hand.
“So do I.”
Michael smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
“Where would we live?” Laura asked.
“I was thinking my place,” Michael said.
“Your place?”
“It has more room. We could each have an office, and there’d still be a bedroom when your daughter comes to stay.”
“That makes sense,” Laura said.
She looked around her living room.
“I love this house.”
“I know you do,” Michael said.
“No, I mean I really don’t want to leave it,” Laura said.
Michael nodded. “What about living here?”
“Do you want to?” Laura asked.
Michael hesitated. “I’d have a hard time leaving my house.”
Laura smiled slightly. “You love yours too.”
“I do,” Michael said.
“So we want to live together, but neither of us wants to move,” Laura said.
Michael laughed. “That appears to be the situation.”
Laura laughed too. “This was much more romantic five minutes ago.”
Michael laughed. “Five minutes ago, we were in love and moving in together.”
“And now?” Laura asked.
“We’re still in love,” Michael said. He squeezed her hand.
Laura smiled. “Well, at least we’ve agreed on something.”
What Disagreement Can Show You While Dating
Wanting a relationship often begins with imagining what it could add to your life. You picture someone across the table at dinner, someone to plan a trip with, someone who wants to hear how your day went.
Then comes the part no one daydreams about: negotiating the practical realities of a shared life. Some men can disagree with you and still take what you want seriously. Dating is how you start to see whether he’s one of them.
When Laura said she didn’t want to leave her house, Michael didn’t argue for his. He asked, “What about living here?” Laura didn’t just say yes. She asked whether he wanted to. Michael told her the truth: he’d have a hard time leaving his too.
Each of them asked what the other wanted, and each was honest about what they wanted themselves. That’s what let them disagree and still feel close.
Early dating can show you how much a man enjoys being with you without revealing whether he takes your wishes seriously when they conflict with his own.
That can stay hidden when the two of you usually want the same thing.
When his preference and yours differ, you start to see how the two of you make a decision when both of your preferences matter.
Telling Him What You Want
There are times in a relationship when going along with what a man wants is easier than telling him you want something different.
If you keep your concerns to yourself, he may assume you want the same thing he does. You may not get what you want because he never knew otherwise. You also miss seeing how the two of you handle a decision once he knows you disagree.
Laura’s first response to Michael was “That makes sense.” She could have left it there. Instead, she told him she loved her house, and then said it more plainly: “No, I mean I really don’t want to leave it.” Because she was clear, Michael knew what she wanted, and they could work out the question together.
Sometimes all you know is that you’re not comfortable with what he is proposing. Laura didn’t have an answer to where they should live. She knew only that she didn’t want to give up her house.
You can see whether a man takes what you want seriously long before you’re deciding where to live together. Before your first date, he offers to pick you up, and you tell him you’d rather meet at the restaurant. He says, “Of course. I’ll see you there.” He defers to you because he wants you to feel comfortable.
If he keeps pushing after you’ve said no, you’re seeing what happens when getting what he wants conflicts with your comfort.
How a Man Handles Conflict in Dating
Dating gives you a glimpse into what negotiating with a man could be like in your future.
In a serious relationship, you will have to solve problems when you both care about the answer and don’t agree on what it should be.
When he takes your wishes seriously while arguing for his own, you are more likely to reach a compromise that feels fair to both of you.
You may each get less than you wanted and still feel good about the agreement you reached.
From First Date to Shared Life
You may be tempted to think good communication is simply about choosing the right man—one who cares what you want.
At work, you may be exceptionally good at organizing your thoughts, making a case, and solving problems.
Although you may be an accomplished communicator, when you’re in a close personal relationship, your approach might not work as well. The give and take of intimacy has a different rhythm than a business meeting. When your interactions can affect both of you on a deeply personal level, it can be harder to say what you want and disagreement can feel more personal. Having different ways to express yourself can help you both feel more understood and respected.
Together, we can look closely at what you want, how you’re expressing it, and what his response reveals about him.
Learn more and schedule a private consultation here.
