The Risks of Dating a Commitment-Phobic Man


Picture this: you’ve just met someone and your chemistry is through the roof. He’s not the most reliable man and you know deep in your heart that he’s not a good match long-term.

But, what harm can a brief relationship do? You’re just having a bit of fun, right?

Many women don’t consider the toll a short term relationship can take on them. They just think he’s cute or think they have a lot in common. Or maybe they’re having a dating dry spell and think someone to date is better than no one at all. Others delude themselves into believing that they can change the guy by being more patient or understanding than his previous girlfriends.

But, here’s the hard truth:

Dating a commitment phobic men is not as simple and harmless as you may think. This decision requires a little more consideration and you should take some time to think it over.

Why Dating a Commitment Phobic Men Is a Bad Idea

Before you decide to get emotionally involved with a man who doesn’t have a promising history of commitment, consider the downside and take a good look at the risks to you and your wellbeing.

1- Lost Time

All the time you spend dating a commitment phobic men who wants no future with you is time you could be spending trying to find a Compliments for men who truly loves you and wants to be with you. If you also get attached to him, it might take some time to get over the breakup and work on yourself so that you’re ready to meet the right partner for you.

Wouldn’t you rather get started on that process sooner rather than kick the can down the road?

2- Lost Self Esteem

In a go-nowhere relationship, your feelings are always at risk of being hurt. He isn’t likely to bring flowers or give you lovey-dovey cards. He doesn’t surprise you by thinking about how to make you happy. Frankly, he just doesn’t feel as loving toward you and that hurts. It can take a swipe at your self-esteem. Why doesn’t he care more? If you tell him it bothers you, he may apologize or he may not, but he may not really be able to change his behavior. Although you’re dating a commitment phobe man, you might find ways to blame yourself for his lack of interest.

3- You Lie to Yourself

It’s hard to stay in this kind of relationship unless you’re lying to yourself in some way. Maybe you think it can work when it doesn’t, or you simply try not to think about the future as if it doesn’t matter to you. Lying to yourself will only create more problems and make it more difficult to find a commitment phobic man pattern who is right for you. It also makes it harder for you to solve your problems and improve your life when you can’t face a situation as it truly is.

4- You Don’t Honor Your Feelings

Rather than really acknowledge how you feel, you might make excuses for him like, “He’s scared of commitment because of his parent’s messy divorce.” When you excuse him, you’re essentially saying to yourself, “My feelings don’t count.”

No matter what his problems are, you deserve to be with someone who loves you. Dating a commitment phobic man is bound to be emotional, so you need to take a close look at your feelings first and be honest with yourself, even if it hurts sometimes.

5- Heartbreak

There’s really no avoiding the grief of loving a man who can’t fully reciprocate your feelings. Dating a commitment phobic man can easily break your heart even when you are aware of his issues.

Is the Risk Worth Taking?

What do you think? Is he worth the problems that are coming if you decide to go for that fling or to date someone who won’t be able to return your feelings?

Do you need some help figuring out if he can commit so you can protect yourself and avoid these men? Leave us a comment below.

Want to take my free quiz to help you better understand your dating style? Grab it here.


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  • Susan says:

    My heart has been destroyed as well as my spirit by dating emotionally unavailable men. This most recent one at least acknowledges that he has issues. And, he told me I’m the only woman he has been in love with. Of course, I saw this coming. He came on hard in the beginning. Now, 8 weeks in he is starting to waffle. He spends less time planning our dates and more time with his friends. He is still sweet and loving when we are together. But then he will say and do things to create distance. For example, he is a teacher and off for the summer. He is taking a 5 week vacation without me. He did invite me but I need to update my passport and can’t go. A few of his past girlfriends have cheated on him. He says he thinks commitment is a trap, that he can’t have it and his freedom to live as he chooses. Neither of us wants to live together or get married. Seeing how I’ve been crushed before, I’m seriously considering getting out before it gets worse. I care for this man but history tells me he won’t be able to go the distance regardless of what I say or do.

    • Dr. Susan says:

      Hi Susan,

      I’m sorry I didn’t see your message until now.

      You say you don’t want marriage or living together, but you don’t say what kind of commitment you do want.

      It sounds like you do want a commitment, but does he? It doesn’t sound like he does.

      A lot of men come on hard in the beginning.

      With your history, it’s especially important that you take things slow to make sure a man 100% wants a commitment and can make one before you put your heart on the line. You can find a man who can commit. They are out there, I promise!


      Dr. Susan

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