It’s official: 5% of 2020 is already gone. And since the new year is a time where most people set new goals in their lives, it’s worth taking a look at your relationship goal. Do you feel like you’ve accomplished at least 5% yet?
Though January is that time of year to set goals, it seems most people don’t stick to them. Around 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February. Why does this happen? Is everyone just too tired from the epic New Year’s party that they just don’t have the energy to focus on their goals?
No, it’s obviously not that. In fact, it’s because of the way they (and you, probably) approach these goals. Answer this: are you shooting for the stars? Meaning, are you wanting to accomplish too much too soon?
Why You Can’t Have It All at Once
Humans are creatures of habit. It’s extremely difficult to make a 180-degree shift in your life and do it overnight. This is why psychologists and life coaches work with their clients on making small, yet essential steps at a time in order to help people achieve their goals.
And this applies to relationship goals as well. You cannot change the dynamic you have with your dating life or your partner by snapping your fingers, regardless if you’ve been dating for 3 years, or even just 3 months, or if you’re not dating anyone at all. You have to start slow, with baby steps.
And since right now you’re in the first 5% of the year, let that be a guide to how you approach your relationship or dating goals. Start with improving just 5% of your relationship goals, whether it’s something on a personal level or the way you communicate with your partner.
If you continue to make these small, 5% steps every month, you have a very big chance of meeting your goal until the end of the year, maybe even faster!
The Two Key Ingredients for Goal Setting
It can be difficult for most people to imagine where they’d like to be a year from now and know how to approach that vision to bring it to life. Even you most likely have made New Year’s resolutions in the past, but could never reach it 100%.
And that’s okay. Again, humans are creatures of habit, and it’s a bit more difficult to make these important changes than one would like. But, you can be 5% closer to your relationship goals at a time, if you leverage these two key ingredients:
- Be Real with You
It’s really important to have an honest conversation with yourself and set up tangible goals. If you avoid men, going out, and dating like the plague, then picturing yourself married by the end of 2020 is, well, quite the stretch.
But if getting married is your goal, then look at the root of the problem and answer this: why are you single? Because you’re not dating, not putting yourself out there. Okay, but why?
Is it fear of getting rejected? Is it trying to avoid that oh so uncomfortable and awkward first date?
For instance, try to date a few guys you carefully screen before, just to dip your toes into the water and see what dating is like these days. You’re unlikely to find Prince Charming on the first try, so why not focus on you, having fun, and meeting new people?
Or, you may need the help of a good coach or therapist, especially if your fear runs deep. Make some sort of plan to work on your issues, and set a timeline. And don’t worry too much about missing deadlines!
- Be Your Own Cheerleader
How often do you encourage yourself to go out there and take risks? Even if you have a very good support system, like family or friends to tell you you’re great and cheer you on, you still may not get enough motivation if you’re not talking to yourself like that as well.
Call your parents and ask them how they reacted when you said your first words or took your first steps as a baby. Hear the excitement in their voice as they remember those precious moments. That’s the kind of excitement that needs to reflect from your internal monologue too.
Negative thoughts often have too much power. That internal voice telling you to stay home, that you’re not good enough to find love – that voice comes from fear. And that voice doesn’t know what it’s talking about, so replace it with words of kindness and encouragement.
Celebrate your small victories. Even if you just make a 1% progress, stop, look in the mirror, and reflect on that moment. Give yourself a smile and congratulate YOU because you know how hard it was to get there. When you start to do that, you’ll get the much-needed motivation to take on new, bigger challenges.
Finally, Remember That Your Relationship Goals Are Yours, and Yours Alone
Dating goals are different from woman to woman. Some may want to get married and start a family as soon as possible. You might not want that. Or, you may not know what you want yet. That’s perfectly fine too.
But it’s essential not to compare yourself to your girlfriends or other women in your life. Everyone has their own journey, their own Brand of Sexy.
Let us know in the comments where your 5% progress is at!