Why Can’t You Find the Love You Want?


So many people want romantic love in their lives, but they can’t seem to find it. If you’ve ever wondered, “why can’t I find a boyfriend?” You’re not alone. Of course, it can be tough to meet the right person, but often, the elusiveness of love is much more complicated.  Are you wondering why you’re still single, or if you’ll ever find someone to love you? Do you think that maybe there’s more you could be doing to change your single status to coupled status?

You are probably frustrated and might even be angry or discouraged. Maybe you blame your troubles on external factors. “All the good men are taken.” “I don’t live in an area with the right men.” Or “Men don’t find me attractive.” Often other reasons are holding you back that might not seem so apparent to you, and they don’t have much to do with the way you look, where you live, or if all the good men are taken (hint: they’re not). When you begin to address the underlying reasons for why you haven’t found a boyfriend yet, you’ll start to see the results you want for your love life, even if you don’t move to the hot singles capital of the world or change the way you look.

So, what is getting in the way of you finding love? Does everyone find love eventually? They do if they do the work to find out the underlying reasons that are stopping them from finding the love they want.

  1. You don’t appreciate nice men.

When you value bad boys, sexy men, or rich men over nice men, you’re bound to be unhappy in your love life. If he isn’t a nice man, he isn’t going to treat you well. Money, good looks, and charisma will not make up for insensitive or downright abusive behavior from a good looking, wealthy bad boy. If you want to find love, eventually you’ll have to start looking into someone’s character and not getting wowed and bowled over by external factors that have nothing to do with making a relationship last or ensuring compatibility.

  1. You’re inexperienced with dating.

You let it all hang out when you’re dating and don’t know how to make a good first impression. You want him to accept you for who you are, but don’t know how to put your best foot forward. A lot of reasons why someone can’t find a compatible boyfriend come down to inexperience. If you don’t have a lot of dating practice or knowledge about how to date effectively, this might be your issue. Fortunately, it’s an easy fix.

  1. You’re scared.

Being single feels familiar to you. Maybe you’re afraid of change or of losing someone if you get into a stable relationship with a new person. You might not even be fully aware of this kind of fear. It might be something that you know is true, but you don’t want to face. Or you might need to consult a therapist or coach to uncover it. Be honest with yourself and get the help you need. Fear can really hold people back from getting what they want for their love life.

  1. You keep repeating old patterns.

Do your friends tell you that you keep going out with the same kind of men? If your boyfriends have all been a string of the same man with a different face, that’s not going to help you find true love. Or are you just repeating the same mistakes in love, like letting men take you for granted or staying in relationships too long when they aren’t working out.  That’s not good for your love life, either. Look and see if there are underlying themes throughout your dating life, and if you keep finding yourself up against the same scenarios over and over again. When you’re the common denominator for bad situations, it’s easier to work on yourself and fix it, so it doesn’t happen again.

  1. You have no idea what’s wrong.

You just don’t know yourself well enough to figure out where you might be going wrong. Or you know yourself well, but you still have no answers to your dilemma. This happens a lot to younger women and women who may not have much dating experience to fall back on. Keep putting yourself out there, and be deliberate about what you want and what you’ll tolerate, and you’ll get over this roadblock.

  1. You aren’t being true to yourself when it comes to men.

You can’t stand up for what you want with men, or when you do, it doesn’t turn out well. Sometimes you may not even be sure what you want. Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what strategies will help you achieve your relationship goals, whatever they may be. Want to find out whether you are being your own Brand of Sexy? Take our quiz.

Everyone finds love eventually. But could you improve in any of these six areas? Which one are you going to tackle? Please leave us a comment below.

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