Why Finding the Right Man Is Like House Hunting

22
Feb

What’s your strategy when you’re looking for a relationship? Yes, that’s right – strategy. Because finding love will be incredibly difficult if you just go with the “I’m attracted to this guy, therefore let’s start dating” principle.

You need to have a very specific approach to the process of finding a man. If you just go on attraction, meaning the initial chemistry you have with a guy, that can make it very easy to throw caution to the wind. That can eventually lead to heartbreak because guess what: the chemistry fades really quickly if there is nothing more than that between you two.

Being happy in the long run involves a little more carefulness and scrutiny.

How Should You Approach the Process?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that didn’t live up to your needs? Looking back now, you can probably name a few red flags that were present early on, but you completely dismissed. The man will often leave a few clues lying around that you need to pick up on and pay attention to. Red flags spiral into relationship problems really fast.

Ask yourself this: why didn’t you take these red flags more seriously? If you were looking for a home and found one that seemed great, but needed a lot of work, you’d think twice about signing the lease, right? You’d try to weigh your decision carefully to see if it’s overall worth it to make the jump.

All major decisions and commitments you make in life should require a big investment of time and money. Yes, even the decision regarding finding love. If you buy the wrong house, you’re probably looking at a rather difficult time ahead: needing to move, finding another place to live, figuring out how to pay for it. It’s why you don’t make these big decisions on a whim, right?

So why are you making these giant leaps in your relationships? A wrong decision in your love life can end up being very time-consuming and emotionally draining. You may end realizing you’re not happy and kick yourself for not being more careful and more choosy with how you look and settle for a man.

You can waste a lot of time and energy with the wrong man and in a relationship that’s doomed from the start.

It’s Time, to Be Honest

Even failed relationships can teach you a few things, even about yourself. But if you find you’ve had more than one problematic relationship, it’s important, to be honest with yourself and look at the way you make the decision to get involved with a guy.

Think about this situation: you fall head over heels for the cutest little place that seems to be taken out of your favorite storybook. You step into the house and you just feel like it’s the place for you. But, you’re so caught up in how the place is making you feel in the moment that you ignore a few key things, like the fact that this perfect home is located near the train tracks. You move in and every single night you’re woken up by loud choo choos.

Every time a train passes, your entire house vibrates. Soon enough, you just can’t stand it anymore. The home may be the same, but it just doesn’t make you feel as happy as it used to at first. Then, you’ll be sorry you bought the place without thinking it through.

Making a snap decision about something this major can lead to a lot of sleepless nights and frustration. A lot of women rush into a relationship decision because they’re so focused on finding a man that they completely forget that it’s never about finding any man. It’s about finding the right one!

And so, you go for the guy that looks perfect on paper. You can talk for hours about anything, you have fun, and the chemistry is really there. But if you’ve only known him for a short time, you really don’t have enough information to know if he’ll make a good partner.

Know What You Want and What Drives You

What makes women rush into these things? You may feel vulnerable without a man in your life, the same way you may feel vulnerable when your landlord sells your building and you have to rush to find somewhere else to live. But you always have options, even if at the moment it doesn’t feel like you do.

If you’ve been alone for a long time, you might even be afraid you’ll never find love or the perfect man, so you get to a place in your heart where any man will do. And that’s fine for a little fun in a short-term relationship, but if you want something for life, you may become too attached to the wrong guy to have the power to cut ties.

Breaking up and starting all over again can be painful. But sometimes it’s necessary. And the next time, you should weigh all the compatibility traits you’re looking for and make a better decision in your love life, one that’s designed for long-term happiness. It won’t be easy, but your future self will thank you for it.

Are you making the best decisions in your love life for the long-term? We’d love to hear your story, so leave us a comment below!

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Comments

  • March 3, 2020

    Really loved it, especially the last part “Know what you want and what you Drives you”
    Thanks for sharing!

    • March 6, 2020

      Hi Kenzy,

      I really appreciate you getting in touch.

      I’m so glad you loved this post.

      Warmly,
      Dr. Susan

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