(an excerpt from the book Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women)
Let’s look at your instincts for a minute. There’s a big difference between animal instincts, the sexual feelings we might have for a guy, and our protective instincts—that little warning bell that goes off in your head that says, “Uh, oh, he just told me he cheated on his last girlfriend but would never do it again. Should I be worried he’ll do the same with me?” Now it’s possible that your animal instincts could be in conflict with your protective instincts (“He’s so hot. Maybe it’s not important if he cheated. I just want a fling”). Ignoring your protective instincts can get you into trouble. As many of us have learned the hard way, that hookup could lead to months or years of being in love with a guy who cheats.
If you’re sexually attracted to nice guys and turned off by players, you’re lucky—your instincts are more likely to lead you to what you want. But if you are more turned on by the “bad boys,” you probably need to develop the protective side of your instincts. Often this involves delaying sex, which can be tough. We’re an instant-gratification society, and we want what we want right away. Many of us want a boyfriend, and when we meet a new man our animal instincts encourage us to have sex even though we don’t know yet if he can be trusted or if he will treat us well. Delayed gratification is one of the best tools in our arsenal to protect ourselves and to hone our protective instincts.
Luciana and George worked in the same building, and every time she ran into him her knees got weak (tall, dark, and really cute!). After weeks of elevator-flirting, they went on a few dates and hit it off. For the third date, he invited her to his place, which made her uncomfortable, since she’d heard he was a bit of a “player.” But she was so attracted to him, and she figured, “We’ll probably do it eventually anyhow,” so they ended up having sex. She thought they’d had a great time and he said he’d call her again, but he never did.
Bethany and Matt had gone out a few times and things had gone pretty well; this time, he invited her over for a quiet dinner at his place. Bethany liked him and even felt attracted to him, but she just didn’t know him well enough to have sex yet. So she told him she’d love to see him again, but she wasn’t quite ready to go to his apartment. Matt made it clear that he was disappointed, but he liked her enough to respect her wishes.
Rather than listen to her instincts about George, Luciana ignored how she felt and ended up disappointed. Bethany listened to her reluctance and Matt respected how she felt. Bethany was being her own Brand of Sexy.
Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what strategies will help you to achieve your dating goals, whatever they may be.
Are you being your own Brand of Sexy? Take my quiz to find out.
Can you imagine what your life would be like if you knew the secrets to figuring out which men will treat you well and have relationship potential and which men are trouble? If you liked this excerpt, you’ll love Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women, called “a must have book for all women dating or looking to date” by Bestsellersworld.com. Buy it today and transform your love life!
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From Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women