September 29, 2016
Last week, I talked about how to make dating fun by remembering that you’re the prize. Now, let’s talk about keeping in mind that you always have a choice.
Always having a choice means that you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. Even if he plans the date or makes suggestions about what you two do together, you always have veto power.
Here are 3 tips on putting this into practice, so that you can stay within your comfort zone and have fun!
- Let him get to know you. Getting to know someone isn’t just about learning what books and movies they like, it’s also about learning about their needs and boundaries. You always have the choice to say “no” if he suggests something that will be uncomfortable, boring, or unpleasant for you. While saying “no” can sometimes feel scary or intimidating, you’re far more likely to have a good time if you stay true to your boundaries, needs, and comfort zone. Plus, in order to find a man who you truly connect with, it’s crucial to speak up about what you want. If he invites you in for a drink after dinner and you suspect he’s going to make a move, but you aren’t ready to get intimate, then you can say something like, “I better get home, I have an early day tomorrow.” Take this quiz to find out if you have trouble saying “no.”
- Speak up if you’re unhappy. If you do end up in a situation that’s uncomfortable for you, try to let him know in a direct way. This can also feel scary for some women, but being direct will get you out of uncomfortable situations quickly so that you can get back to having fun. If he does something that disappoints, frustrates, or upsets you, speaking up gives you the chance to address and resolve the issue, so that you can spend the rest of your date having fun instead of feeling resentful. For example, if you feel annoyed because he keeps checking his phone, you can say something like, “How about we put our phones away for the rest of dinner? Then we can really get to know each other.” If he listens and spends the rest of your date focused on you instead of his texts, you’ll have much more fun than you would have if you hadn’t said anything.
- When you speak up, stay calm. Some women have trouble staying in control of their emotions when a man does something upsetting. That can cause a really unpleasant atmosphere for the rest of the date. If a man is a 10 minutes late for your date, it’s OK to let him know that you’re unhappy. But, it’s probably not going to go very well if you yell at him and tell him what a jerk he is for making you wait. On the other hand, if you smile and say something playful like, “You’re lucky I hung around so long. Maybe you can make this up to me,” you have a better chance of expressing yourself in a way that he’ll hear—and of enjoying the rest of your night with him. My new ebook, What to Say to Men on a Date: Be Your Own Brand of Sexy, gives tons of tips on how to speak up in calm ways. What to Say to Men on a Date shows you EXACTLY what to say when asked common dating questions that sound simple, but are really loaded. This book gives you a variety of responses to choose from ranging from serious to playful, so that you can pick the perfect one for you. All the replies are designed to get you what you want.
In my next blog post, I’ll talk about how to have fun on a date by being yourself.
Start getting what you want from men. Be your own Brand of Sexy.