Nothing highlights the problems of today’s dating culture quite like reality TV shows like The Bachelor. In it, a large group of pretty women compete for a hunky man. He doesn’t have to do anything to charm them, or prove he’s interesting or even a nice guy. The women are the ones who do all the chasing—a complete role-reversal from traditional dating expectations. Some of the contestants grow emotionally involved, so when they’re eliminated from the show, they feel like they’ve been broken up with (as if they were actually dating instead of on a reality TV show).
Interestingly, the show The Bachelorette (when a group of men compete for a woman) has a better success rate of couples staying together once the credits roll. Is it possible that relationships work better when women are the ones being courted?
Sadly, The Bachelor TV show is a lot like our society today. Many women feel it is their responsibility to ask men out, pay for dinner, have sex without commitment, and live with men before marriage, without expecting anything in return. Some actually make the case that these changes empower us.
But wait—doesn’t this just make it easier for some not-so-nice-men to take women for granted? No wonder we can’t tell if they’re “into us” or just looking for sex before they break our hearts. We’re no longer making it clear to guys that we have expectations, too!
This just doesn’t work for many women. Too many of us are left feeling frustrated, disappointed, and hurt, and we aren’t getting what we want from men.
So what can you do about it?
- Turn off the influence of shows like The Bachelor. We like to blame the media for our problems. But we forget that shows like this reflect our lives and what we want to know about the world. If everyone decided The Bachelor was not empowering for women and stopped watching it, it would be canceled. But we’re desperate to see what happens next, or to live vicariously. Meanwhile, the more popular these shows become, the more “normal” that type of behavior seems—which can encourage your date to put in less effort to pursuing you and make you feel like you “should” sleep with him to win him over.
- Don’t make decisions based on political correctness. Many women think that because we fought so hard in the Women’s Movement to be equal to men, now we should take the initiative—and put up with the risks—in love. But why are we making decisions based on what we feel we “should” do? Based on political correctness, instead of what we feel and what we need? Expecting women to ignore their unique emotions is denying our individuality—and individuality is actually what the Women’s Movement was all about, not simply saying men and women were the same.
- Be your own Brand of Sexy! Instead of doing what you think you are “supposed” to do when it comes to dating and relationships, do what works for you. Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what strategies will help you achieve your relationship goals, whatever they may be. It’s also important to be able to stand up for yourself. Not sure if you are being your own Brand of Sexy? Click here to take a quiz to find out! When you start doing what’s right for you, dating will become fun, and you’ll start getting what you want.
My new ebook, What to Say to Men on a Date: Be Your Own Brand of Sexy, can help you be your own Brand of Sexy. This ebook is a guide to help you answer tricky questions from men in a way that you are comfortable with and fits your personality. It includes basic dating questions that most single women regularly encounter, as well as advice on how to handle men who are upset, unreasonable, or who aren’t treating you well. The ebook gives you a variety of responses to choose from, ranging from serious to playful, so that you can pick the perfect one for you. All the replies are designed to get you what you want.
Start getting what you want from men! Be your own Brand of Sexy.
