It’s difficult to find a suitable partner, especially when our culture tells us that beauty, confidence, and wealth are the most important qualities people should look for in others. You might start to believe that you have to look a certain way or that you must feel confident to get into a good relationship. But it’s not true. There are way more important things to look for that signal that a person is a good person to be in a romantic relationship with.
Men who have the kind of external qualities that society tells you are super important for dating success may seem much more appealing than men who would actually make better partners. Many women these days are falling for narcissists because they fit the bill superficially, although they make poor partners and husbands. At worst, narcissistic partners are downright abusive. Think about it – would a narcissist try harder to look good and make money, or would he strive to plan romantic dates, and make his partner feel special and loved by caring for her? Improving external appearances and superficial qualities are easy for a narcissistic person.
It’s very challenging to be in a relationship where it’s all him and what he wants. Your needs and feelings will always take a back seat when you’re with a narcissistic, immature partner. And, that’s a recipe for unhappiness in a relationship, no matter how handsome, successful, or rich he is according to society’s standards.
So what should you look for in a dating partner to determine if he is long-term material?
1. Kindness and consideration. Is he a kind person? Is he considerate of other people’s feelings? Sometimes a man is simply trying to put his best foot forward with you to try and impress you. You want someone who is genuinely caring. Ideally, you want a man who wants to make you happy.
2. Good communication skills. Sure he may be able to tell you how much he likes you, but how does he handle conflict? You want a man who can respect a different opinion than his own without resorting to immature and hurtful tactics. How else will you be able to work out your differences if you’re with someone who is arrogant and doesn’t fight fair?
3. Ability to compromise. Every couple has their differences. When both partners do some compromising, your relationship can grow and change. If he always has to be right and can’t do any compromising, you’re likely to start resenting all the compromising you have to do. Your relationship won’t feel fair or balanced, and it won’t last long or be happy while it does last.
4. Similar values. When you share your tastes, interests, and values, you are much less likely to have conflicts. It’s more fun to be with a man when you have a similar sense of humor. You’ll both enjoy joking around with each other more. If you both enjoy living in the city, you won’t have to compromise or argue over where to live. When you’re both on the same page about children and how you save and spend money, that protects you against conflict and other strife and disappointment. Look for similar values when it comes to the big stuff.
5. Same relationship style. Are you both looking for the same kind of closeness? Is he OK with a long distance relationship but it’s too hard for you? Do you want marriage and kids but he needs his space? If you aren’t looking for the same kind of relationship, there will be much more conflict that might be impossible to resolve.
6. Dependable. It’s crucial to find a man who’s reliable and practical. You want someone dependable and trustworthy. Imagine how hard it would be to have a partner who cancels plans or won’t do what he promised to help you with. Being with an unreliable partner is a disaster when real life hits. What’s more important – the average-looking guy who takes you to doctor’s appointments when you’re too sick to drive, or the guy who is selfish but looks like someone out of a magazine?
7. He knows relationships take work from both partners. Some people believe that a couple is either meant to be or not. They think that relationships should always be easy and subject to destiny, or the way the stars and moon align. When the hard times come around, and the couple gets into a disagreement or things aren’t so effortlessly romantic like they once were, the couple feels like the relationship is fatally flawed. People who are unrealistic and don’t acknowledge that relationships take work and dedication are more likely to give up during those inevitable tough times. You want a man who knows that tough times are going to come and he’s committed to sticking it out regardless.
It may take some time to find out if he meets these criteria. Don’t worry that your relationship is doomed if he doesn’t fit them all. It’s more a question of whether you can live without some of these essential qualities. Without them, it may require a lot more work down the line in your relationship to maintain it. Rather than overlook what’s missing in this list, be honest with yourself about your needs and what you can and can’t live with. No one is a perfect ten, but some people are more suited for your personality and relationship needs than others.
What do you think? Please leave us a comment and let us know your must-haves for a long-term relationship.