No one wants to be a rebound girlfriend for a guy who still has feelings for his ex, especially if you are looking for a healthy, committed relationship. Dating a guy who is stuck in his past relationship is frustrating and painful, and it probably won’t lead to happily ever after for you.
So how do you figure out if your new guy is really over his ex-girlfriend?
- He talks about his ex respectfully. When he talks about his past relationship, does he get fired up about her or about how much she hurt him? Does he tell you how awful she was? Strong negative emotions are a sign that he’s not over the relationship, the breakup, or both. He may even still be fighting with her. That said, if all he can do is talk about how wonderful she is, that can be a red flag too! In general, if it feels like all he does is talk about his ex—good or bad—he probably hasn’t really let go of the relationship. If you pay attention to the intensity and frequency of your conversations about her, it will tell you a lot about if he has moved on.
- When he talks about the relationship, he admits that he made mistakes. If he has enough perspective to honestly acknowledge his flaws, that’s a good sign that he’s really moved on. Plus, it shows maturity and that he’s able to grow, learn, and take responsibility for his actions—all good qualities in a boyfriend!
- He’s open about your relationship. Does he post about you on Facebook? Have you met his friends or family? If not, he may be holding out hope of getting back together with his former love. If he has really let go of his ex and is all in with you, he won’t be afraid to show you off.
- He doesn’t compare you to her. Even if he means it as a compliment (“I love how adventurous you are. My ex never wanted to do anything fun”), comparing you to a past girlfriend is a sign that he’s still thinking about her. A guy who has truly moved on will be more focused on you than on his ex.
- He didn’t jump straight into your relationship. Most people need time to heal after a breakup, especially if the relationship was serious. If he took some time to be single before dating again, it’s more likely that he’s really put his feelings for her to rest.
If he’s still hung up on his ex, he probably won’t be able to get emotionally invested with you. If you want a serious relationship, you’re better off with a guy who is truly over his ex.
Have you ever dated a guy who wasn’t over his ex? I’d love to hear from you. Please share your experiences in the comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.
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