If you’ve ever had any kind of a relationship with a narcissist, you know it’s all about him. For that simple reason, they don’t make good boyfriends or husbands. Your feelings never matter and he won’t be good at compromise.
If you’ve ever fallen for one, it’s not your fault. Our culture applauds, rewards, and encourages narcissists. Our obsession with wealth and beauty persuades us that he’s a great catch, so we often overlook the character flaws that warn us of the danger ahead. Drs. Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell, the authors of The Narcissism Epidemic, think the incidence of narcissism is increasing in the US culture because we’re being told that it’s desirable in our modern societies to be materialistic, self-centered, and vain.
Mindy patiently waited for boyfriend Adam to decide whether he wanted to marry her. Although she felt like her biological clock was ticking, she loved him and thought he was worth waiting for. Over time, he began getting angry and critical, so Mindy started walking on eggshells around him to avoid arguments. Mindy realized Adam was lying to her, especially when she began to suspect he was seeing another woman. Afraid to confront him because she knew he’d be furious, she followed him one night and saw him with the other woman. After their devastating breakup, she swore she’d find a nice man who would treat her well.
Mindy jumps back in the game and has a great time on her first date with the handsome, successful, and charming Tim. From the beginning, she’s afraid he’s too good to be true. She’s concerned because this feeling reminds her of how she felt on her first date with Adam. Now she realized that she ignored a lot of red flags on that first date: for example, when Adam looked distracted rather than focused on listening to her, she made excuses for him, thinking he must have ADD or something similar. Despite her concerns, she rushed into a relationship with Adam. Not this time. Mindy decides to pay attention to her intuition and to take it slow with Tim. Although she knows that Tim might not like it if she slows down the pace of their relationship, she has learned from her relationship with Adam that she needs to listen to her intuition and have the courage to stand up for her desires in a relationship.
In the old days, for better or worse, your family would decide if a man was a good guy and a suitable partner for you. Today, we need a strong inner compass to navigate the modern dating jungle. With all the old ‘dating rules’ thrown out the window, we’re left with a lot of conflicting messages about how to get what you want from men. Listening to your intuition means getting back to the basics. It’s important to listen to yourself: what you want, what works for you as an individual and what strategies will help you reach your relationship goals. That’s what it means to be your own Brand of Sexy.
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