Linda tossed her phone onto the couch with a frustrated sigh. Another weekend, another string of disappointing dates behind her. At 54, she was starting to wonder if she’d ever find a meaningful relationship.
“There just aren’t any good men left in this city,” she grumbled to herself, reaching for the TV remote. It was a refrain she’d repeated countless times to her friends, family, and even to herself in the mirror.
As she flipped through channels, her mind wandered to her last date. The man had been nice enough, but there was no spark. “It’s not my fault,” Linda thought. “I’m just unlucky when it comes to men. Always have been.”
Her phone buzzed with a text from her friend Carol: “How’d the date go?”
Linda typed back: “Same old story. No connection. I swear, at my age, all the decent ones are taken.”
Carol’s reply came quickly: “Don’t give up! Have you tried that new singles group I told you about?”
Linda rolled her eyes. “I’m not attractive enough for those young hotshots,” she texted back. “Besides, men my age want twenty-somethings anyway.”
As she set her phone down, Linda caught her reflection in the dark TV screen. Deep down, a small voice whispered that maybe, just maybe, she was the common denominator in all these failed attempts at romance. But that thought was too uncomfortable to entertain for long. She pushed away the nagging feeling that she might be making mistakes.
In the complex world of dating after 40, many women find themselves stuck in a cycle of disappointment and self-doubt. While it’s natural to feel frustrated when looking for love later in life, it’s crucial to recognize when you’re holding yourself back with counterproductive excuses for being single. Let’s explore some common justifications and why they might be hurting your search for a meaningful relationship.
1- “Men don’t find me attractive”
This isn’t about men; it’s about YOU. You’ve bought into the lie that you need to look like a supermodel to be desirable. Nonsense. You’re treating your appearance like it’s the only bait in your fishing tackle box. Men aren’t as shallow as you think.
Reality check: Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and ages. There are men out there attracted to all types of women. You don’t need to look like a magazine cover model to find love! Instead of fixating on perceived flaws, focus on self-acceptance and confidence – qualities that are universally attractive. Stop thinking the only way to catch a man is with a pretty lure and start reeling them in with your personality, charm, and effective approaches to dating.
2- “There are no good men in my area”
Geography is a convenient excuse for being single. “If I lived somewhere else, I’d be married by now,” or “All the quality men live in other cities.” You’re acting like good men are some endangered species, only found in far-off exotic locations.
Truth is, good men (and not-so-good men) exist everywhere. The key is developing the skills to recognize compatible partners and learning to avoid those who aren’t right for you. Instead of bemoaning your location, get off your couch and out of your comfort zone. Your perfect match isn’t going to parachute through your ceiling. Join a club, volunteer, or take a class. Good men are out there, but they won’t magically appear in your living room.
3- “Men can’t commit”
In today’s dating landscape, it’s tempting to believe that no man wants a serious relationship anymore. However, this blanket statement simply isn’t true.
Be clear about what you want, and don’t waste time on men who don’t meet your standards. Your heart isn’t a 24/7 convenience store – stop letting every Tom, Dick, and Harry walk in and browse around.
4- “I have bad luck with men”
While there’s an element of chance in meeting potential partners, success in dating isn’t solely about luck. If you keep ending up with losers, it’s because you keep choosing them. You’re not a helpless boat being tossed around by the sea of fate – you’re the captain of your own love ship.
Remember the saying, “99% of luck is showing up.” Take a hard look at your dating history. Identify the patterns, then BREAK THEM. If you need help, hire a dating coach or therapist. Think of it like calling a carpenter when your house has structural issues. You’ve been patching up cracks and propping up sagging beams, convincing yourself you can fix it. But the problems keep coming back, and you’re one stiff breeze away from the whole thing collapsing. It’s time to bring in an expert who can see the underlying issues and make lasting repairs. Your love life is like that house. Stop with the DIY patch jobs and get some professional help to build a solid foundation.
5- “I’m too old/wrinkled/set in my ways”
Stop. Just stop. You’re not “too” anything. You’re exactly who you’re supposed to be right now. The problem isn’t your age; it’s your attitude. You’re treating your life experience like it’s excess baggage when it’s actually a treasure chest of wisdom.
Make a list of everything you bring to the table. Experience, wisdom, financial stability – these are ASSETS, not liabilities. Own them like they’re the Hope Diamond.
The Hard Truth
You’re single because you’re letting yourself be single. Don’t hide behind excuses for being single instead of taking action. It may be comfortable and safe. But it’s keeping you from the relationship you claim to want. You’re like a car stuck in neutral, revving your engine but going nowhere.
Want to change your love life? Then change YOUR LIFE. Stop whining, stop making excuses, and start taking massive action. The man of your dreams isn’t going to fall into your lap while you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself.
Remember this: There are women older than you, wrinklier than you, and with more baggage than you who are happily coupled up right now. The difference between them and you? They decided to make it happen. They made their own luck. They’re not waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on a white horse – they’re out there learning how to spot and attract the right partners.
So, what’s it going to be? Another year of excuses, or are you finally ready to create the love life you want? You can keep trying to win the relationship lottery, or you can stack the deck in your favor by taking action.
The choice is yours. Choose wisely. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.
Ready to Find Your Prince Charming? I Can Help!
Are you tired of making excuses and ready for real love? As a therapist, dating coach, and psychiatrist, I’ve helped countless women over 40 find their happily ever after. I did it myself – now let me show you how.
Don’t waste another day. Email me at info@drsusanedelman.com now for a free 30-minute consultation.
I’m the expert carpenter for your love life. Together, we’ll build the strong foundation you need for lasting love.
Ever worry that being a divorced woman over 40 puts you at a disadvantage? Believe it or not, your age has major advantages! Grab my FREE report to discover them here.
