Sometimes, dating life doesn’t get you to the place you want fast enough. In fact, at times you can feel like you’re stuck in a loop of bad dates and relationships that go nowhere. And judging from a lot of comments I’ve seen from a lot of my readers lately, a lot of you are facing this very issue.
You want to find a nice man, but you don’t know how to actually make it happen. You don’t know exactly where to start, or where you can find the motivation to take some essential leaps. All of this eventually gets you to the starting point: single, without the man of your dreams.
Today, I’ve decided to gather five of my best dating tips that can help you get out of this frustrating dating loop, and finally, feel like you’re making progress. I’m well aware it can be difficult to get out of this kind of loop and shake the feeling of inertia you have. But this kind of journey can lead you to discover perspectives and approaches that are foreign to you, but that could give you the right fuel to move forward.
Anyone who’s ever tried to force themselves into a new habit, like eating healthier, knows how easy it is to give up and go back to the way things were. It would be great if we were naturally equipped to adopt new habits just by snapping our fingers, but people don’t work like that. In fact, research shows it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form new habits. While we all hope to be in the 18-day bracket, some of us might need to accept we need more time to change.
The important thing? William Edward Hickson said it best: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again.”
This process will teach you a lot. In today’s bonus tip, I’ll share with you how what you learn about getting unstuck will help you tell the difference between a man who’s a good prospect and one who isn’t a good fit.
5 Essential Tips to Get Out of the Dating Loop
So, you’re stuck, and you want to change that. The good news is that you’re already at the right stage for change, which is the ‘START NOW’ mindset. But how do you go about it?
Here are my 5 tips to get unstuck:
Change Your Love Life Tip #1: Create a vision of what you want
Close your eyes, and try to picture where you want your dating journey to take you, and let this exercise take you through the many layers of dating and relationships.
Ask yourself, what do you want, in the end? A committed relationship with an amazing man? To know how to identify the great guy from the sea of men that aren’t worth your efforts?
Through this exercise, you can build a vivid picture of your goals, which can motivate you to overcome the inertia you’re feeling.
Change Your Love Life Tip #2: Take baby steps.
Reaching for the stars sounds good on paper, but in the real world, this approach can lead to heartbreak.
Pick a realistic amount of time per week you can dedicate to working on your dating life, and even pencil it in your calendar to make sure you set aside that time. Maybe you’ll be able to increase that time later on when you feel ready to take bigger steps. If not, that’s okay too! Stick to the baby steps if they are helping you make progress, or get the help of a professional to change your approach.
Change Your Love Life Tip #3: Reward yourself
Parents cheer on their babies when they take their first steps and for other small victories, but nobody really does it for us when we’re grown. So why not cheer yourself on, and try to counter that pesky need to be overly-critical with yourself?
Our inner voices are often our worst enemies, and they can prevent us from adopting new habits as we can literally unmotivate ourselves. Instead, be your biggest fan, and encourage yourself for any step in the right direction, no matter how small.
Change Your Love Life Tip #4: Keep rewarding yourself
Being your biggest fan isn’t as easy as it sounds, so it’s really important to stick to it and never stop encouraging yourself to keep going. Will you make mistakes? Yes. But when you do, you want to make sure the “I told you so” inner voice holds no power over you.
Be patient with yourself, and find ways to reward your progress. Buy yourself something nice from time to time, just to celebrate your journey, even if your progress is slower than you’d like!
Change Your Love Life Tip #5: Make a commitment to yourself
You want to commit to Mr. Right? First, commit to yourself! Commit to your learning path, new habits, and never giving up on yourself.
Bonus Dating Tip:
When we’re kind to ourselves, we’re better at identifying those who aren’t treating us well. So be kind, and take care of yourself, so that when Mr. Right looks like he’s about to enter your world, you can actually see if he’s really all that.
P.S. — Want to get started on your new journey? What’s the easiest next step for you to take? You can work on your online dating profile, read some articles or a book, or take the Be Your Own Brand of Sexy quiz to discover your dating style.
Do you feel stuck in a dating loop? How do you plan on getting out of it? Let me know your story in the comments!