Take a second and try to respond to this question as simply as possible: What are you working towards in your love life?
For many of us, there is no simple answer. Not because the answer is really complicated, but because we haven’t taken the time before now to consider what our dating or relationship goals may be.
So this week, we’re going to talk about how important it is for you to become certain about what you want and what you are working towards. Without being clear about what you truly desire, it’s very difficult to get what you want in your love life.
After all, how can you motivate yourself for something that you’re not even certain you want?
Do You Know What You Want?
Where are you on your dating journey? Have you figured out what you’re looking for? Do you know how you can get it? Maybe your ideas about what you want have changed and shifted along with you these days. You may be in transition. Maybe you wanted true love and ended up with heartbreak. You may have wanted a casual carefree love life before but now you’re looking for a more serious kind of relationship and to be treated better by men. Your journey may have been very painful and now you’re feeling more than a little battered and bruised.
At this point in your life, what do you want now?
Maybe you’ve lost track of what you wanted. You might have even had a husband or two and a few kids, allowing you to easily lose yourself in the everyday job of keeping the household afloat. You might have forgotten about your own dreams as you took care of the needs of everyone else – your family, spouse, responsibilities at work and so much more. Maybe you forgot about what was important to you. Maybe you even neglected your health and burned yourself out or became ill. You might have ignored your values, and your passions and even your strengths. You feel like you’ve been through a lot and you are right.
After all this, it’s finally the time to refocus your energies on working towards your own personal goals. But now, what do you really want?
Do you know what’s really important to you, beyond the health and happiness of those around you?
How Being Aware of Your Fears Can Give You Clarity in Your Love Life
If your journey has been very hard, you may be hesitant about men in general and dating specifically, but at the same time want a relationship. When you’re conflicted about your goals like this, it can come out in ways that can sabotage what you’re going for without you even realizing it sometimes. For example, you might try online dating but avoid meeting the men who live nearby or who are emotionally available, so that you ultimately do not meet any suitable men but can say you have given online dating a shot. Or maybe you show up for your date over 15 minutes late and don’t even offer an apology, and when you don’t get asked on a second date you feel like online dating might just not be for you.
The clearer you become about your goals and your anxieties, the more likely you won’t let your fears get in the way of getting what you want. With clarity about what you want comes direction and a newfound sense of purpose for your actions and attempts at finding love. Indeed, recognizing the conflicts that are holding you back is a very important preliminary step towards meeting your relationship goals. Take the time to be very honest with yourself about your goals and any kind of self-sabotage you may be inflicting on yourself. Really reflect on your dating behavior and try to think about if anything you do may be hurting your chances of reaching your relationship goals, and why you are doing this unhelpful behavior.
How can you change your actions, breaking the cycle of destructive behavior and unsatisfying dating experiences?
Finding clarity through awareness is one of the first steps to being your own Brand of Sexy – meaning figuring out what you want, what works for you as an individual, and what strategies will help you achieve your relationship goals, whatever they may be.
Dr. Susan’s brand new online training course, 5 Simple Steps to Being You Own Brand of Sexy is launching very soon! If you’re struggling and need any help figuring out what you’re looking for and how to get it, be sure to sign up to be part of the first group to have access to the course when it launches. Don’t miss this opportunity to kick start your love life today!