Does your love life often take you to déjà vu land? You know, that place that’s familiar because you feel like you’ve been there before?
Maybe every date you go on feels like the previous one or has a similar outcome, so you’ve begun to think all men are jerks or that you’ll never meet anyone who finds you attractive. It can be very easy to get caught up in disappointment, anger with someone else, or a critical view of yourself.
If you’re noticing the same results in your love life, maybe it’s because you’re making the same choices that don’t work out. Recognizing these patterns can help you figure out the problems you can address to greatly improve your love life.
BEWARE: 5 of the Most Common Relationship Déjà Vu’s to Watch Out for
Do any of these thoughts give you the feeling of déjà vu?
- You put his feelings first – “I don’t like how he’s treating me lately, but I need to give him some space since he’s so stressed at work.”
- You are attracted to unavailable men – “The only guys who aren’t commitment-phobic are really boring.”
- You go for superficial attributes instead of any real connection – “Who cares if our conversations aren’t great, he’s really hot and successful.”
- You stay in bad relationships to avoid being alone – “He’s critical of me, but at least I’m not spending Saturday nights by myself.”
- You ignore your gut feelings – “I’m not ready to sleep with him, but if I say ‘no’, he’ll just sleep with someone else and, besides, what’s the big deal?”
Take a minute and really consider the trends you can see in your love life… do any of these situations ring a bell? Or are you experiencing a different one?
It isn’t easy to step back and objectively examine your own dating behavior. Especially if you don’t have much dating experience, learning how to better recognize harmful patterns and appreciate the benefits of commitment and self-protection is difficult but even more rewarding.
How to Identify Patterns in Your Love Life
If you’re having a hard time seeing the patterns in your love life, what can you do to find them?
1- Keep a journal. Regularly write about anything repetitive or bothersome that you notice in your dating life. Ask yourself questions like:
- Who are you attracted to?
- Do you ignore any red flags?
- Do you make excuses for men?
- Do you make excuses for yourself?
The more objective you can be about what stops you in your tracks, the easier it will be to learn how to change those patterns.
2- Ask your friends. Ask someone you trust who’s in a relationship that you consider to be happy and healthy whether they see any problematic patterns in your love life. If you can talk to a good friend who has known you for a while or throughout multiple relationships, you could gain even greater insight into what behavior you repeat again and again.
3- Talk to a therapist. Thanks to their experience and objectivity, a professional therapist can help you gain a very clear perspective of patterns in your dating. Therapists can also help you meet your goals faster because they are specifically trained to help you overcome these types of problematic relationship patterns. If you are shy or uncomfortable with approaching a friend for help, finding a therapist is easier than you think.
4- Work the 5 steps to being your own Brand of Sexy. You can bypass many of the roadblocks on the path to love by taking advantage of your own inner strength and determination. You can also always lean on the BYOBOS community when you need to. Learn how to be yourself and get the guy you’ve always wanted.
Worried that you may not be able to do it? Don’t be – the process of becoming your own Brand of Sexy is designed to support you while revealing what roadblocks you face and how to confront them!
In fact, I am about to release a short course on getting to know yourself and overcoming your hurdles to a happy love life. Sign up here if you want to be one of the first to have a chance of working through my new video: How to Become Your Own Brand of Sexy in 5 Simple Steps.
In the meantime, you can start reading my book Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women to get an in-depth discussion on finding your way on the journey to your ideal relationship.